Having a kid highlights a lot of things in life. Time (or lack thereof), sleep (or lack thereof), that being an adult sucks (did you know kids smile on average 300 times a day and grown-ups do it like, ten?), how much easier it is to tolerate previously intolerable things (the noise from children’s toys).
Another thing that comes into crystal clear clarity are the differences between yourself and your partner in the child raising endeavor.
When you’re dating, or married to someone, the little differences you notice between yourself and your partner are usually the kinds of things you can get past, tolerate, or work on with minimal animosity and stress. Yeah there are exceptions to that, but you get the drift. When it only involves the two of you, your habit of leaving your socks on the floor and her belief that there is a steering wheel in the front passenger seat are things you can deal with, things that in spite of their sometimes annoying nature, are also the things that endear them to you, because it really is the imperfections that make the person, and the person as a whole is who you love. Perfection is boring, and certainly doesn’t leave much room to grow.
Babies, however, bring out differences that the both of you take personally. It’s easy to understand. The little life you are trying to protect and raise and grow into a functioning adult is the single most important thing in your life. You understand that small mistakes can have far-reaching consequences, and because even after millions and millions of years the science of raising children is woefully and inadequately understood, you can never be sure which of those little mistakes might be the one that leads your little munchkin down a path of destruction and misery.
So taking certain child rearing decisions personally and what may, from the outside seem way too seriously, is completely understandable when you look at them from the inside. Now, to be fair, I might not agree with Mommy all the time, but I understand that from her point of view, she is always erring on the side of caution. None of the things that Mommy takes issue with that I do are overreacting on the side of throwing caution to the wind. I do occasionally think she is overreacting, but she also thinks I’m usually not being careful enough. I’ve learned that arguing these points with Mommy is a surefire way to get myself thrown in the doghouse.
Case in point: We live in an apartment complex. Parking in this complex can be hit or miss. You’re either right out the front door, or a ways off in the parking garage. Usually we manage to snag a spot out front, pretty close to the front door, less than say, a hundred yards away.
Now when I go to pick Mommy up from work the standard procedure is as follows: put Baby Girl in car seat, head to car and pick up Mommy. Where I usually end up getting myself in trouble is when I don’t bundle Baby Girl up in enough warm gear to make Mommy happy. My thinking is that, even if it is mildly chilly, Baby Girl will soon be in a nice warm car, and the less than thirty seconds she is exposed to the elements aren’t that big a deal. This has put me on the receiving end of cross looks and exasperated comments more than once or twice.
I don’t think it’s a big deal, Mommy thinks it is a big deal. There are other things like this (the bathing issue discussed a couple days ago in the Poop Part 1 post for example), that I am learning not to argue about, because, ultimately I understand that Mommy is coming from a place of genuine concern, and not some unreasonable place.
For my part, I want to get baby girl into some form of martial arts as soon as I can. The world is an ugly place, and I want Baby Girl to be able to defend herself as best as possible against the stupid boys she is going to inevitably run into. I also don’t ever want her to feel pressured into anything because she doesn’t have the confidence to stand up for herself because of any physical intimidation. I’m not sure Mommy understands quite how seriously I take this particular issue, but it is something that we’ll work on. The same way that I try to remember that Baby Girl needs to be protected from the elements, even if I don’t think they’re particularly harmful.
In the end, you figure out that raising a child is a series of compromises, not of anything pertaining to Baby Girl, but pertaining to how you perceive things, how you handle things and how you go about convincing your partner of things. Whereas up until we had Baby Girl, there were things that we learned to live with and love about each other (socks, driving habits), there are now things we won’t compromise on, not out of ego, not out of pride, but out of our desire to see the best for our Baby Girl. It’s the art of give and take, when you realize that both of you want what is best for her, and even if you don’t agree with your partner, you learn to accept that those issues are not about you or her, but about the kid. And who isn’t going to do what’s best for the kid?
No comments:
Post a Comment